03. August Reflection
During August, I gave my final internship presentation and finished up my internship with NBC5 Dallas, moved into my new apartment, started my senior year of college, accomplished (for the most part) the candida cleanse, went out multiple times without drinking and enjoyed myself, finished my book (the fourth wing), started fall rush at SMU for my senior year, and experienced a lot of emotional wins.
During August, I also cried because I didn’t want to move out of my childhood home after spending three months there with Brooks (my adorable Bernadoodle) waking me up each morning with kisses and a long walk, my mom being my sidekick and best friend during a really tough summer of transformation, and a wave coming over me that that time would most likely be the last time ever in my life that I would live in my childhood home. I experienced fear and anxiety to come back to school after being gone for so long and experiencing massive shifts in my friends. I felt like I was going into my senior year as a whole new beginning.
Over the month, I struggled with the idea of letting go of the past and stepping into this new beginning. Clung onto old thought patterns of “shoulds”. Beliefs that saw accepting a future so different than the one I had imagined as being a moment of defeat instead of a beginning of a new chapter.
Today I came across this quote:
NOTHING could be more inspiring and true to what August 2024 has brought me. This month brought me the realization that I have been going through life trying to “luck” out on good things happening to me. Thinking that if I fit into the fine lines of what I thought would garner love, respect, etc. then it would come to me. I have tried to please, I have silenced the voices of question pushing me to get out of my comfort zone, I have allowed my ego to steer me away from who and what truly fill me up and bring me light in fear of giving up validation, acceptance, and comfort. I have hoped that the jobs, the relationships, people thinking highly of me, etc. would happen to me if I was the “right” / “best” version of me.
However, I have come to realize that this “best” version of me wasn’t in tune with who she really was. She was just trying to remain comfortable, avoiding letting go at all costs. She was just trying to protect herself. By taking the leap, I have learned that nothing in life just happens to you. I have come to understand that people and things falling out of your life is a sign that you are being unique. The masses attract the masses and being original, being true to yourself, cutting the bullshit and claiming the habits, thoughts, and traits that you truly are and not putting up a front, will weed out the people, places and things that do not attract to that self energy. By being yourself, you become a magnet to things that are meant to come into your life, and the rest falls. While that falling is painful, scary, leaves you with no idea of what is to come, it leaves room for what is meant to be to come eventually.
As a people pleaser, this is something that I have and will always struggle with. However, so much light was shed this month on my mentality about my interactions with others. Going forward, I seek to be my truest self without fear of judgement. I will reframe fear of judgement as courage to be a magnet to that in which is destined for me. Thank you August for teaching me that people pleasing is in fact the lowest vibration and that to attract the people, opportunities, and dreams that I seek, I must allow God to weed out the aspects that are not meant to be in my path.