22. Claim your thoughts

Our thoughts spiral so much and we are often just the witnesses. Today I noticed my thoughts going down a spiral. I found myself in a really bad mood and I took a step back and realized that I was telling myself “I am lonely and I am awkward and I have no friends”. That is such a lie. It started when I got to class today and I got back peer-graded rubrics on my presentation and many of them said that I said “um” too much and felt nervous. I felt a hit to the ego. I started to tell myself a narrative that people see me as timid and bland. However, during that presentation, I was actually just very unprepared and not ready. So, of course I was saying um and looking timid - I was not prepared. I took that thought spiral hostage and I said Jesus help me think differently.

It made me notice that I feel alone when I silo myself into work and do not have much friend time. So, instead of spiraling, I can reach out to my friends and do what feels uncomfortable for me - getting out of my grind mentality to be social and prove to myself that I am not incapable of socialization. I have had a bust work week and staring at a computer, getting caught in my schedule and daily tasks, it becomes very easy to isolate and I become comfortable in that. I do not need to be alone in this. Simply reaching out to people who make me feel good, doing ONE thing. Simply catching the narrative helped me debunk it instead of live as though it is the truth, without me even knowing the story I was telling myself.