09. Creative Limitations
We came out of the womb with a mind that wandered freely. As we grew, we took in what the world around us had to show, say, and teach. Each person we came in contact with, every experience we witnessed, and even The movies we watched laid a brick in the foundation of how we perceive the world around us. As we grow up, we understand judgment, measuring ourselves against "the rest." Our creativity takes shape in the little things - the music she loved to listen to in the car, the jewelry she put on, the lunch box she chose for school, the Wii avatar she made. We begin to compare, belittling the innate creativity inside of us, telling her that her ideas are not good enough, not like the rest, etc. Before you know it, the unafraid, limitless creative inside us is afraid to speak up.
As a little girl, I would put together an outfit comprised of boy shorts, a t-shirt, and a beanie and be ready to take on the day. In no shape or form did it fit into the norm, but it's what my little mind ran free and created, and damn, did she have fun doing it. Yet, as each perceived societal norm laid a brick in my perception of self, my outfits turned into what was "cool and normal ." So long were the days of letting my creativity run wild, as my desire to fit in un-knowingly ate away at the creativity within me.
Perceived judgment and wanting to fit in are two of my greatest creative limitations. Years of programming myself to "be liked" and portray a specific image have muzzled the voice that goes rogue, that wears the crazy outfit, that does whatever the fuck she wants. It is scary to let creativity run wild because, most of the time, it is not what the people-pleaser within me would deem acceptable.
When I was in High School, I joined graphic design and immediately fell in love with the class. I loved editing things and finding inspiration on Pinterest. I would look forward to getting onto the computer to edit each day. However, I also loved and craved parameters. I loved having an assignment to follow and a letter grade for my efforts. The training wheels I unknowingly loved were stripped off when I joined AP Design the following year. Instead of having weekly projects with strict rubrics to follow, we were tasked with creating a portfolio of work throughout the entire semester. We could do anything - use any media, ideas, or concepts - the world was indeed my oyster. This terrified me. I love boundaries. I love having a list of things to do, boxes to check, and an objective measure of my actions. So, when I was given the ability to be creative without limitations, my internal blocks began to step in. The type-A in me needed a set of objectives and boundaries; without that guidance, she shut down. I compared myself to the examples and to the other people in my class, and that comparison made me feel like my creativity did not measure up. I did not trust any ideas that popped into my head because I thought I didn't know how. I was stuck in a rut because I did not have the initial safety blanket to get my imagination running.
While I overcame this initial fear, created an amazing portfolio in fashion, and truly loved the journey, I have struggled with the creative block of perfection my entire life. Even with this blog, I block myself from even starting to write a post because the perfectionist, black-and-white thinker in me freaks out without boundaries and lets the belief that "I don't know what I am doing" or " "I am not capable" take over. I often get stuck in a freeze state- not wanting to start. I mull over things in my mind, yet keep myself from taking action out of fear of imperfection.
What I have come to find out, however, is that challenging this voice and letting my mind run free is where the magic lies. My creativity flows when I let go of time constraints, stop looking at life as a checklist of to-do items and time blocks, and get inspiration from the world around me. There is no "perfect" way, despite what the voice within me thinks. What is perfect is having the courage to start. Once you take action and keep coming back, your creative process unfolds, and the masterpiece that awaits can only come to you if you have the courage to act.
Perfectionism is the ultimate creative limitation. Once we let go of the notion that we must go into an endeavor as perfect beings and instead become witnesses of the journey, that is when our creativity goes down twisted alleyways and down winded roads that we never even knew existed.
My tool box to combat creative limitations:
Mind dump journaling. 5 minute timer, zero judgement, pen to paper, get it ALL out.
Looking on Pinterest for inspiration. Going into it knowing it is an inspiration hunt and not comparison.
A 5 minute timer. set the timer and make yourself start the damn task.
Telling social media to fuck off… aka delete the apps.